VCC

  ~ this was an assignment for a counseling done in 2011            

             E. Worthington (2005) delves into nine areas of marriage.  All of them are key components in a successful marriage, but one can postulate that there are three that are the most important.  The first one would be core vision of marriage.  This entails the concepts of actual marriage, true marriage, and ideal marriage that the couples hold on to (p. 61).  This idea encompasses what each partner expects from the other in terms of how marriage works.  When a couple is suffering, this is usually what creates the dividing line, because both partners focus on the negative aspects of their relationship and think that there is nothing more in the relationship that is beneficial.   A crucial step in counseling is for the couple to change their core vision unto the more positive aspects and how they can love each other more effectively.  Without this change, the other steps cannot be fully reached.

            The second step that is important is communication.  Communication is how a relationship grows and thrives throughout its course.  It is an exchange of physical, mental, and emotional troubles and praises that each partner shares with each other.  A marriage represents a unique bond that two people have and thus should be nurtured and complemented by a healthy flow of communication which can heal the heart, soul, and mind of both individuals.  Trouble can arise when unintentional meanings are communicated or when marital power seems to be the center of communication (p. 65).   Couples either cannot talk to each other, or resort to aggressive berating arguments which led to damaged souls and hearts.  They start to resent being with each other, growing tired of the rift, but are afraid to be the first to discuss their feelings for fear of being seen as the one who gives in.  They wear each other down with tense negative feelings.  The counselor's duty is to bridge these communications as a third party and emphasizes the aspect of love in communication.  Love is what trumps the pride and anger in communication.

            The third important step is commitment to marriage.  Commitment within a relationship is a continual force that binds two people together.  It is what makes the couple more bound and separate from other relationships.  There are two types of commitments that Worthington (2005) discusses:  covenant and contract.  Covenant refers to a more traditional and Christian in origin.  It implies that the two people are of one flesh and have placed their honor and identity in each other (p. 70).  Contract, which has become the more modern view, implies strong ties and exclusivity between partners.  It is not based on duration, but a commitment at the present.  It lasts as long as each person fulfills their obligations in the relationship.  Regardless of the idea of commitment, it is a crucial and binding force in the relationship.   Commitment is what keeps the relationship alive even after the counseling sessions are complete.  It is the conclusive and deciding factor that keeps the scales of a relationship balanced. 

Reference

Worthington, E.  (2005). Hope focused marriage counseling: A guide to brief therapy

            Downers Grove, IL: Inter-Varsity Press.