Monday, December 31, 2012

Ignorance

~ A new one for the new year...


Hate and fear come intertwined
As does the spider and the fly
At first the fly is ensnared
Then is devoured by spider

We create our fears of what could be
Instead of what it is really there
Hiding behind our past
Forgetting the good, embracing the bad

Is it so much easier
To be so narrow minded
Than to go beyond our dread
And seek understanding of things unknown?

Instead we’d rather dig in
Clutching unto ignorance and fear
Shunning any light of hope
Shriveled in darkness, despair

Monday, November 5, 2012

Meaning of Life



~ just some creative writing that came to me, nothing too deep


Meaning of Life?

As I lay down in my space
I cannot help but make a sad face
This world only offers pain
And only emptiness is gained
I break down every time I see
All that I can ever be
Is dust and vapor
Becoming agony's captor
Everything burning inside
With trusting to confide
Forever I have stood here
Plagued with hate and fear
Hating myself and what I've become
Fearing of breaking from being numb
Living a life barren of hope
Keeping myself in a depressing slope
I can only see my own torment
Only concerned with my own lament

So I continue down this road
Broken and beaten with misery's load
I seek nothing but my own destruction
Forsaking any kind interaction
I choose this path
Surrounding myself in loathing wrath
Only myself to blame
For this growing lonely shame
I refused any sort of comfort or joy
My own soul I will destroy
I will end this pointless existence
And slowly drain my essence
I created this pit of sorrow
Residing in my heart's shadow
I have earned nothing
I have deserved nothing
I have nothing
I am nothing........

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Lonely Burden

Broken and dead inside
No love within reside
My heart becomes a wall
When facing friendship’s call
Nothing is ever achieved
When all hope is deceived
Thinking friends are here
But in the end, no one is there
 
For every man’s contempt
Makes love and friendship exempt
When on friends one does depend
Exposes the soul to hell no end
But keeping them away
Will not hold misery at bay
Either path causes torment
So to desolation I will consent
 
Pain comes from within
Hardly surfaces the skin
Buried deep, sorrow must hide
My fate being death inside
 
Lonely misery is better
Than to be for others a fetter
The cost of being a shattered soul
Is worth it to keep friends whole

Friday, September 7, 2012

Short Story (Unfinished)


                Man is measured not by what he thinks, but what he does with his life.  The main threats to the human soul are real and powerful.  Sin is in all of us, and corrupts the human heart indefinitely.  There exists seven categories of the deadliest of sins.  Pride is having faith in oneself to accomplish any goal without aid or help from God or others.  Greed concerns everything physical without the spiritual virtues in mind.  Gluttony consumes food, drink, and provisions beyond or below sustenance.  Envy desires another's characteristic or gift, never being content with one's self.   Sloth lacks motivation and initiative to accomplish anything of worth.  Lust gratifies the desires of the sexual nature, fulfilling only the pleasures of the body.  Wrath burns from hate and vengeance, seeking only to destroy and bring down others out of spite. These sins are the end of man, engulfing his soul to the pits of hell.  Living a good life does not save him, only the power of Christ can free man from bondage.  Sin cannot be extinguished by man alone, but with Christ's help, it can be resisted through power of the cross.   

"Wise Men"
By JDN

                In the days of old in the age of ancient ones before the existence of cults or priests, mortals communed with the gods through those who had direct communion with them.  They were wise old men who lived in the mountaintops, as close to the gods one could be.  With this venue of knowledge, men would travel to places of holy ground where wise men would live who would know what is, what was, and will be. 
                Duncan was such a man.  Despite being intelligent l, his entire life had been failure after failure.  When he planted crops,  no rain would fall.  When he attempted to build something would of wood such as a house or barn,  it burned to a smoldering pile of ash due to a freak fire accident within weeks.   Once he had joined the military of his city, but after a few weeks, everyone would hate him for reasons unknown to him, and captains  would try to pawn him over to other divisions, thus in the end, he was dismissed entirely from the whole military.  Even in love, he could find no success.  Every woman, young and old, rich and poor, sweet and spiteful, large and small despised and even dreaded him as he would walk by them on the streets.  Children threw stones at him.  Animals kicked, bit, and even defecated at him if he came too close.   Indeed, Duncan was a mess.  No craft or skill seemed to work for him, thus lived cautiously off his parent's considerable amount of inheritance.
                However, it would be unfair to conclude that Duncan was a complete failure.  Despite his lack of success, he had a great intellect and a perceptive mind of the world around him.  He could point out flaws and defects in the life of others.  When he was not working on his latest failure, he would converse with other gentlemen in the local pubs describing in detail his latest blunder and how he was a cursed man.   Despite  many conversations with these men,  Duncan had no friends whom he felt he could  rely on.  He spent most of his days either coming up with  ways to make a living for himself, or talking about his failed experiences with everyone.
                One day, he heard  that wise men could foretell the will of the gods.  With nothing to lose from death itself, he ventured toward the direction of a high mountain.  Along the way he met with those returning from the mountain with either great joy or sorrow on their faces.  At last he made his way to the mountain.  Looking up, he realized the climb would take some time.  He climbed and climbed, facing all sorts of trials in the forms of colds winds, light snow, a broken shoe on sharp rocks, and a tree full of angry squirrels flinging their nuts at him. 
                                After days of hardships, he reached the sanctuary of the wise men.  At first he saw nothing but abandoned tents with shoddy looking shrine in the midst of them.  He marched forward, stepping over the ropes and broken poles.  At the threshold of the holy place, he knocked on the door, only find the door cracked open.
                "Come in," stated an ominous voice from the darkness within.
                Duncan strutted in, "Who are you, old man?"
                "I am Marcus, keeper of the shrine and assistant to the wise men , and who are you?"
                "That is not of your concern, old man.  I want an audience with the wise old men now!"
                "Be patient young one.  I will summon them to let them know you are here."
                "Good, now get going"
                The elderly man hobbled to the ivory doors to the right.  Duncan, considering his harsh words to the elderly man, pondered whether he had been to brash with his words.   He had been through many trials to come here the wretched squirrels being the worst.  He had never seen so many nuts flying at him at one time.  While he was reminiscing on that experience,  Marcus returned smirking.
                "They are ready for you," said Marcus.
                "Good, and I'm sorry for being harsh on you earlier, I apologize."
                "It is all right, think nothing of it.  Just be more polite in front of these holy men"
                "I will, thank you"
                Duncan stepped through the untarnished doors, the only thing that seemed to be untouched by the  decay.  He paced through to find three wise men in meditative stance looking upon him with scrutinizing eyes, sending shivers down Duncan's spine.  As he entered, the doors behind him shut the sound of locks clicking following.  An uneasiness fell on Duncan as he approached the old men.  He sat in front of them, trying to copy their sitting positions.  He only achieved a partial imitation, but thought himself satisfied with this accomplishment itself.    The wise men simply watched him with an unchanging stare.  After a few minutes, Duncan's left leg fell asleep, so he stood up, walking around the room.  Suddenly one of the old men shouted, "Can you not even sit still for five minutes!"
                "My leg fell asleep,  I was uncomfortable," exclaimed Duncan surprised at the outburst.
                "If you were uncomfortable sitting like that, then why did you even try it in the first place."
                "I do not know, I just thought I'd try it.  How was I supposed to know my leg would fall asleep that quickly?"
                At this point, the old man that had spoken thought to himself for a moment, "You have a point."
                The other two wise sat there as before with dull expressionless faces.
                Duncan, recovering from the shock of the outburst said, "So anyway, I simply want to know why the  gods have punished him with this accursed bad luck with anything I touch or venture to do?"
                "What do you mean?  The gods have not punished you.  You still draw breath and you have good health.  Not perfect health, but it's still pretty good, "answered the old man, the only one of the three interacting with him.
                "But what of my failures, my ventures, my inability to fellowship with man?  This cannot be of my own fault?  What good is health if I cannot make a living for myself?  It seems there is nothing under the sun I can do that will bring me satisfaction or even a descent life.  Even women, from whatever background or being, look my way or even treat me as a man.  Nay, I am but a beast.  A walking curse.  A bad omen from hell itself.  I am but a......."
                "Ok, let me stop you right there.  I get the point.  What I do not understand is why you think the gods are too blame."
                "Who else is there to blame?  I am an honest hard working man who has done no sin.  I have prayed to the gods daily, offered sacrifices of what was left of my stock, and volunteered  to do the most hated and dreadful charities imaginable.  What more can I do?  I have no answers left except for the gods curse upon me.
                "There are many answers to why you have difficulties.  If the gods wished to punish you, you would not have made it this far to inquire of them.  From what you have told me, I can say that the answer to your problems  lies in front of you."
                "What do you mean?"
                "From the way you talk, I can surmise we are not the first to hear of your problems from your mouth, am I correct?"
                "Yes," answered Duncan with a puzzled look.
                "Well," smirked the wise man, "you are a classic case of a whiner with a poor attitude."
                "Excuse me?"
                "You heard me, a whiner.  You cannot succeed in anything because you concentrate on your failures rather than believing yourself that you can do it.  No one wants to be around you because you complain about the difficulties rather than the benefits of the outcomes.  Women detest you because you complain about your problems and never listen to theirs, and worse, I think you point out their physical flaws because you are too shallow to look at anything else about them.  Children torture you because, well..... they are children, and your mean spirited appearance only encourages it.  I'm not sure about the animals mistreating you, but judging from the sounds the squirrels made as you were climbing up, and the sounds you made, animals just do not like you."
                Duncan just stood there confused and bewildered what the old man said.  Looking back, the old man had a point.  He had only focused on his failures and identified himself with it.  His complaining, which he had presumed as simple conversation in his mind, always turned other from him.  Duncan realized he fallacy and he begged forgiveness from the gods.
                "There is no need for repentance to the gods, my son.  But you should apologize to those whom you have complain and murmured to for being such an ass to them.  Instead of portraying yourself a failure, work to succeed and listen to others for a change.  The world becomes a better place if you shut your mouth and open your hears once in a while."
                Duncan bowed with respect to the wise man's words, "Thank you so much for your words of wisdom;  I will apply them starting today."
                So Duncan descended from the mountain, encouraged by the wise man's words.   The squirrels, though wary, did not through a single nut at him, except for one as he walked past in the head.  In a few days' journey, his home town was in sight.  As he traversed further in the town, he noticed an unfamiliar air about the place.  The sun was at its highest point, but there was no one on the streets, not a single soul.  Duncan sprinted toward the market place only to find barren stands and a rotting corpse  of a cow.  Duncan, perplexed by this point, wondered what could have happened.  A sharp pain shot through his chest.  He clutched his chest to find only a sharp metal protruding through his skin.   Gasping for his last breaths, he turned around to see a familiar face holding a bow.   Duncan collapsed to his knees with the taste of blood frothing from his mouth. 
                Duncan could only manage to mutter, "Why?"
                Standing over Duncan with a rusted blade, the attacker whispered, "Because you were so rude to me at the temple, I've destroyed all your neighbors and livestock, and now I have taken your life as well."
                Duncan attempted to speak, but his throat overflowed with blood, thus only coughs  could only be heard.
                "You see, fool, all your life you were consumed with your own ambitions, failures, and peace of mind that you shut yourself off from everything and everyone around you.  A heathen such as yourself deserves no second chance.  No amount of wisdom or knowledge would change your ways.  The deaths of you and those you could have helped is your real punishment from the gods.  May the  lords of the underworld take pity on your evil soul."
                Duncan with tears running down his eyes grasped his throat, begging for mercy and forgiveness.  His self proclaimed judge swung his blade, slicing through Duncan's eyes.   He heard his killer laughing and then nothing  as all noises faded away.   Darkness enveloped him.  No longer did he feel the attacker stand before.   He deep thrust pressed upon him.  His soul spiraled into an abyss by forces unknown.  What appeared to be liquid surrounded his body.  Chills of fear and uncertainty infected his thoughts.  His mind went numb only being able to focus on the regrets of his life.    Duncan sulked in his misery , unable to forget, unable to change his ways, never again to feel the peace of mind he longed for.  He moaned in life, and now moaned in death. 

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Being With You

~ just something for fun

When I started feeling lonely
And the world passed me by
You came to be with me
Fending off all fears and lies
For you are now my very center
Setting my bound heart free
Creating a world much better
You became the first person I want to see
Starting and ending my day
With you, my beautiful light
Always there with the words to say
That my lift my soul, making things right
Being forever by your side
Would be my only paradise
I will love you until I have died
But as long as I am with you, I'm alive!

Introduction

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Wonder

I seem to have lost my way
As I go about my day
My eyes are blurred from a haze
Hiding the future from my gaze
Where I once saw light
Now there is nothing but a dark night
My mind twisted and faint
Trapped in my own restraint

There is no vision,compass, or star
To get me to where you are
Some day I hope to find
A way to leave this prison behind

Don't forget ever about me
You are the wonder who makes me free

Sunday, April 15, 2012

A Pitiful Sonnet

~ One of my most recent works, which does not reflect my state of mind, lol. 

Treading down my lonely path
I contend with an engulfing wrath
My heart poisoned with hate
Always living in a miserable state

How can I let go
When agony is all I know?
Only able to retreat
In life's trials I face defeat

Living in solace without a friend
I welcome an untimely end
Just stop this resistance!
Accept this wretched existence!

Never will I attain happiness
Or any joy shall I possess
Let the world drown me out
As I fade without a shout 

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Love Within a Dream



~ another work done a while back........

Falling into sleep
In my heart I keep
Memories of you and me
Of how we used to be

The times I’ve held you close
Whispering “I love you most”
The times we’ve watched the sun rise
Followed by staring into your eyes

My dreams are filled with you
And everything we used to do
Every thought I have of love
You’ve become a part of

When I start to dream I see
Your beautiful face coming towards me
Locking our lips, I never let go
Never wanting to leave your glow

I can still feel your touch
Loving you so much
With you in my sleep, I never want to wake
For living without you , I’ve begun break

My dreams of you are bliss
But being awake, your love I miss
In this reality, my joy does cease
But dreams with you, I find peace